WHO DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE? Ammo Grrrll on dreadful audiences:

One of these dreadful shows was for a national convention in Minneapolis of on-camera “talent” from cable stations all over this great land. A more rude, arrogant, self-absorbed, group of people could not be assembled than that roomful of thin, pretty, vacant-eyed Teleprompter readers of both genders. All sporting good hair and capped white teeth. Not a single fattie or Helen Thomas gargoyle in the bunch.

The nightmare began with the terrible, impotent emcee trying to get the superstars to sit down and shut up. This was a thankless task, because THEY were so very important. THEY were the pretty and interesting ones in the room. Who were those nobodies standing in the wings with the temerity to believe they could entertain them?

So sensing the lack of respect for the upcoming entertainment, did the emcee, one of their members, try to defuse that by reading our prepared introductions listing our credentials? No, of course not. He LITERALLY introduced us “Okay now, calm down people. The local organizing committee for some reason has hired these two comics who nobody has ever heard of. Here’s the first one — .” And then he brought up my opening act, my friend, Tom, a fairly new but talented and funny young comic.

The emcee sat down and immediately set the tone by loudly chatting with his seat-mate, his back to Tom. Can you even imagine anyone you know being this rude? The whole room erupted in more talking and determined ignoring of poor Tom. I’m still appalled.

These are the same kind of people who are intolerably imperious, demanding and rude to waitresses, hotel housekeeping staff, and retail clerks. Tom doggedly did his 20 minutes and, circumventing the emcee, introduced me himself. I got a semi-decent laugh with the first joke and perhaps the first ten tables in front stopped yakking and began to laugh, but it was still really tough sledding. There were people milling about, walking in front of me, chatting in standing groups. I did my time and ended thusly:

“You people were the rudest audience I have ever played. Had you listened to Tom, you would have enjoyed him. For those few of you who listened politely to me and responded, thank you, and I’m glad you enjoyed it. For those many others who did not enjoy us, because you could not bear to shut up, lest some other human have the spotlight for even a minute – tough shit, we got your money.”

Bravo, Ammo Grrrll.