MINIMUM PERFORMANCE REQUIREMENTS (for Systems Engineers)

Since I’m now less than two weeks from my departure date, I thought I should spend a little time comparing my performance so far to the minimum standards to see how I shape up.

Able to slow down from a dead stop

If taking 2 steps back for every step forward counts, I’m doing fine.

Able to add 1 and 1 to get the required estimate

Easy - the proof is in my checkbook balance.

Is self-impacting

I love beating my head against a wall - it feels so good when I quit. And it burns 150 calories an hour!

Capable of justifying the irrational, unreasonable, or incorrect

Just look at my resume.

Is self-defeating

Hmm ... I may have to work on this one.

Able to pursue multi-random directions simultaneously

Easy, I can turn on a dime and leave 9 cents change.

Capable of coping with, and following, infinite misdirections

Not a problem - I can do this alone. No outside help needed.

Able to consistently overcome success

So far, so good, but accidents happen.

Able to build mountains of fantasy from molehills of non-viable facts

Trivial. Mt. Everest is small by comparison to the mountains of fantasy I create every day.

Looks like I’m mostly ready - a little more work on becoming fully self-defeating, but I’ve got some time to master that before I leave.

JAN’S VW DIDN’T CRASH

Day by Day by Chris Muir is a long-time favorite of mine. I hate to mess up a good story line (start here; then go forward three or four days), but Jan’s VW didn’t crash - I saw it on southbound I-395 as I left work yesterday. It had to have been Jan’s; there was the “we love the world” license plate holder, a PETA sticker, and a bumper sticker touting the anti-war Democratic candidate for Senate.

Sorry, Chris, the police must have picked up the cell phone somewhere else.

CATBLOGGING - GETTING READY FOR WORK

Shadow and Daisy prepare for another long day at work. So little time, so many things to do: move rugs, climb drapes, knock over pictures, annoy the dogs, guard the stairs, ....

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Heard on WTOP radio (FM 103.5 in Washington DC) yesterday: "Fat people eat more." Wow. What a blinding insight ....

The lead was apparently an intro to this bit of "interpreted" research, which is another thinly disguised attack on the fast food industry. Will the nanny-staters ever give up?