ROGER KIMBALL: This metamorphosis will require a permit (which I can't have).

The sheer absurdity of Kimball's experience reminds me of a few months ago when my old computer suffered a massive heart attack. I managed to revive it by reinstalling the original Microsoft XP operating system from the CD. Then I got online to restore all the service packs, patches, and upgrades that had accumulated over the years only to be informed by Microsoft that I needed Internet Explorer 8 to download the service packs. Original XP came with Internet Explorer 6, so I tried to download Internet Explorer 6 from Microsoft. Sorry, it said, you can't upgrade Internet Explorer 6 to Internet Explorer 8 without Service Pack 1, which can't be downloaded with Internet Explorer 6.

I gave up and bought a new computer.