GLOBAL WARMING now causes civil war. What the author of this strange piece seems to forget is that correlation does not imply causation. It's just as likely that civil war causes global warming.

Perhaps if all wars would immediately cease, all the world would be full of rainbows and unicorns, the temperature would be a constant 72 degrees, skies would be cloudless, and it would rain only between 6 am and 10 am on Tuesdays and Saturdays.