I GOT MY EARMARK

National Telecommunications and Information Administration
salaries and expenses

For an additional amount for `Salaries and Expenses', $350,000,000, to remain available until September 30, 2011: Provided, That funds shall be available to establish the State Broadband Data and Development Grant Program, as authorized by Public Law 110-385, for the development and implementation of statewide initiatives to identify and track the availability and adoption of broadband services within each State, and to develop and maintain a nationwide broadband inventory map, as authorized by section 6001 of division B of this Act.

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs including transfer of funds to Michael Hankamer for the Michael Hankamer Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants:

Provided, That an additional $500,000 shall be paid directly to Michael Hankamer in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment.

Provided Further, That the funds be used by Michael Hankamer to purchase guns and ammunition ... and a bass boat or for whatever.

Provided Even Further, That Michael Hankamer will receive free DC United soccer team tickets for life.

Provided Even Further Still, That Michael Hankamer shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits.

And one more thing: "Dirty Harry" Reid is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

Courtesy of Reason Online.