BREAKING NEWS: Due to the toilet paper shortage, Gov. Gavin Newsom [D(umb)-CA] just issued new regulations limiting California residents to one bowel movement per day. Residents are also required to use both sides of the toilet paper.

No, that's not the Babylon Bee; it's just me.

Given the shortages, though, it's time to resurrect a few outhouse jokes. Here's one:

Why are outhouses always equipped with two yellow corncobs and one white one?

The white one is used to see if the second yellow one is needed.

And by the way I was at the grocery store yesterday. There was no toilet paper, but plenty of fresh corn on the cob....